Words Are Hard

Day 9

Why am I doing this challenge?  Who thought this would be a good idea?  To all of you naysayers out there, I'm sorry I got annoyed when you laughed in my face at the mere mention of living a life without swearing (that being said, bite me -- you could have at least pretended to be supportive).  I've yet to go a day without dropping an f-bomb (or six) and I started this morning off by calling someone a "s--thead" (not to his face or anything and in my defense, he really is a s--thead.  It's basically like calling him "Tom", so maybe it shouldn't count??).

I've completely lost count at this point.  I think I owe my siblings somewhere in the neighborhood of $1,000 each and I should probably post at least 27 embarrassing videos on this here blog.  It's probably not going to happen because, well, I don't really want to.  Or, it'll have to wait until Drunk Heather makes an appearance.  Yes, yes, it's a bit of a cop-out, but ...  IT'S MY BLOG AND I'LL GET DRUNK AND MAKE VIDEOS IF I WANT TO!  OR NOT AT ALL!  EITHER WAY!  I'm already on day four with no Reddit.  Isn't that punishment enough?  It feels like punishment.

Posting notes around my house and on my person certainly hasn't helped:

When you eat food, no swearing.

When you leave the house, no swearing.

 I'm talking to you, kid.  Seriously, no swearing.

Really?  Even this won't help?
(Side note:  I sent someone this picture and they replied back with:
"You're a unique grape, Heather Lee."  What a fantastic compliment.)
(Shuddup.  It's a compliment if I want it to be.)

A real life unique grape from mom's house.
And an unintentional spider friend.

I was doing fairly well last week -- swearing only four times a day...  What's that?  You think four times a day is a lot?  Need I remind you that I use the work "f--k" like the word "the" in daily run-of-the-mill conversation, so paring it down to only four times a day is a remarkable achievement.  Again, bite me if you disagree.

Then Friday rolled around.  I was troubleshooting a problem at work well into the Friday evening and I was getting, erm, frustrated.  My computer was being slow, I forgot what I had already tested and my efforts devolved into ... well, less thinking about what I was doing and more swearing heatedly and angrily at my computer.

"What the f--k?!  I just did that and it worked.  Stop being an a-hole, computer."

"Just f-----g open already!"

"Ugh.  F--k you."

Yep.  And that's why I started this challenge in the first place.  For nights like that.  I don't even know what to try at this point.  I only swore twice on Saturday-- first day with no f-bombs. (...yay?)  I made it through the entire day with nary a bad word and then I spilled a bottle of red wine on my newly cleaned kitchen floor.  Sigh.

I've added a rubber-band-around-the-wrist approach, snapping it every time I swear.  Maybe inflicting actual pain will help?  I suggested to Kristy I change the challenge to "I will swear only five times a day", but she shot that down rather quickly, something about "cheating".  I dunno.  I'm at a bit of a loss.  Here's a bug in a flower.

Hi.  I'm a bug in a flower.