The Paper Chase

Once again, I am woefully behind in updating my blog and have now entered the Catch Up with All of the Things phase of my evening.  I'll start by sharing some of the artwork I have recently made.  You're welcome.

First stop, origami.  Folding paper into shapes.  Who can't do that?

I can't do that.  At all.

The goddamn origami swan is like, the easiest damn thing to make. 

Sad swan is sad.

Why you fold me so bad, Heather?

I tried an origami box next.  I don't know why I thought I could fold a friggin' paper box if I couldn't fold the damn, shitting swan.  I am nothing if not dogged in my determination.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?!
I don't even understand the step-by-step instructions.
Fuck you, box.

Next up, a paper plane.

Paper is hard.

That spot it landed on is about two feet from where I threw it.  Whatever.  I'd like to see you make a paper plane that flies more than two feet.  Actually, never mind.  I don't want to see that.

I wish I could say that was it for my attempts to create things with paper, but ... nope.  There was more.

I bought a Build-a-Robot calendar this year from ThinkGeek and it came with twelve "detailed 3-D robot models from paper punch-outs."  They make it sound so easy.  Sure, just punch them out and you'll magically be able to put them together.  With magic.  You won't even need instructions, because of the magic.

Look at all the robots you can make!

He mocks me.

Seriously, I didn't get any further than punching it out and staring at it with a perplexed look on my face, sighing deeply and wondering how I earned my degrees.  I sat there looking at all the pieces, repeatedly turning the paper over and over hoping instructions would magically show themselves (you know, because of the magic).  If you need a visual:

Wha-?  I don't even...

Perhaps I give up on these little projects too quickly (dogged in my determination?  Not so much...) and if I had more patience and perseverance, I'd have some cute, little robots for ... posterity?  I dunno.

Paper is hard.