Major Red Bull

My good friend, Mick, recently became Major Mick.  By way of congratulations, I drew him a picture:

Army Strong.
(pretzel sold separately)

The pretzel doesn't have much to do with his shiny, new rank (ok, ok, nothing whatsoever to do with his shiny, new rank), but after spending a week visiting him in Germany (I take full advantage when my friends are stationed in fabulous places), where I inhaled at least one amazingly delicious German pretzel per day, Mick = pretzel in my book.

(I would eat 10 of those pretzels right now.  I wouldn't even stop to say, "Thank you for bringing me these pretzels, Oh Magnificent Pretzel Monster. (S/He's like the Flying Spaghetti Monster, only with different carbs.))

Major M's promotion is great and all, but this post isn't really about him; it's about me.  You're not really surprised, are you?  I'm here tonight to make a vow.  Are you ready, world?

(Ha ha.  "World".  My world of 10s of readers.  It's a bit like The Little Prince.

I am a weird book.

 Only with more socks and narwhals.)

The green jumpsuit is not a good look for me.

But I digress.

*clears throat*

"I will heretofore no longer allow the delicious nectar known as Red Bull pass by these ruby red lips o' mine."

There.  Vow made.  I mean it too.  This shit is bananas:

There are no bananas here.

I wish I could say this is the same pile of caffeine I took a picture of a week or so ago, but ... nope.  New pile.  I'm not giving up caffeine altogether -- let's not get crazy now -- this is merely the first step in my caffeine-removal plan. 

I have the sneaking suspicion that my shitastic sleep habits and the angry beast known as Jeff the Troll are related to, or affected by, the amount of caffeine I ingest throughout the day.  Honestly, it's not that bad -- one coffee in the morning, and a rather large (and delicious) Red Bull with lunch.  Could be worse, right?  I'm just thinking of my stomach here.  We're going to be together for many years to come (Magnificent Pretzel Monster willing) and we have way too much drama in our relationship right now.  I think we can do better.

Just to reiterate:  "No more Red Bull."

You can quote me on that.